i can't play an instrument, but i can listen to music real good.

my parents met when they were both in the high school band. my mom played the flute and my dad played the trumpet. still, my dad is a very musical person. he is a self-taught pianist, and can pretty much pick up any horn and blow sweet sounds. me? no such blessing.

it's safe to say that i'm drawn to all things musical. i grew up listening to my dad bang on his keys most mornings as i got ready for school, and would often sing along with him other times he'd play. i'm pretty sure i got my quirky taste in music from my dad. i can't resist belting out a wild, "cause he's LO-VIN, TOUCHIN' ANOOOOTHERRRR, NOW IT'S YOUR TURN GIRL TO CRYYY, NANANANANANNA..." or the classic, "Power of Love" by Huey Lewis. i'm not the girl you come to for newness and i sure don't think i'm a music connoisseur. i just know what i like.

and we all know my dating habits.

so when dani suggested that we make mixes for each other, i got pretty pumped. she and i have very different music tastes, but i love exploring new things and sharing my loves with others, so this idea was stellar to me. when she came, we both admitted to have made mixes on our computers, but we hadn't burned them so the exchange never came to fruition. it's alright, though, because i've decided just to post it here so that everyone can share it.

this is not a mix of favorite songs, although they have become favorites. this is a mix of songs that have been particularly speaking to me during this season i my life, for better or worse. you could probably even classify this playlist as just a collection of depressing songs - which in essence, it is - but they make me happy, and here's why i think they do:

you know that book, the 5 languages of love? well i took the test a couple weeks ago which revealed that my #1 love language is touch, and my close 2nd is words of affirmation. stick with me, cause this might get a little complicated:

the way i listen to music, music that i really connect with, is a physical experience. music is one of the reasons i probably won't answer the phone if you call while i'm driving. sometimes i feel like the music comes out of the speakers and envelops me, i breathe it in and it fills my lungs. it wraps around my head and goes into my ears and sinks into the wrinkles of my brain and i feel it's tight hold on my body from the inside to the outside. the melody swirls around in an unseen waterfall of colors and flowers and objects from my imagination - anything from faces to places to trinkets that hold special meaning to me...and i really do feel like i'm being touched. then, when the words take meaning in my head and i'm able to relate to them, i feel understood. lyrics give me the affirming words that i crave so much. in music, i am loved. dramatic much? prob.

all this to say, i'm no musician - but i appreciate music like it's my job. so here are 18 tracks who've been loving me for the last few months...it's getting pretty serious :)

1. Heartbreak Warfare by John Mayer (from Battle Studies)
B and I have joked that John Mayer interviewed us (separately) to gather material for this album. Sad but so, so true. "Disappointment has a name, it's Heartbreak."
2. Something's Missing by John Mayer (from Heavier Things)
"...how come everything i think i need always comes with batteries? what do think it means...?"
3. Where I Stood by Missy Higgins (from On a Clear Night)
"i don't know who i am without you, all i know is that i should. she will love you more than i could, she who dares to stand where i stood."
4. Wait it Out by Imogen Heap (from Ellipse)
ok, after every, i mean every line of this song, i want to say, "i know, right?!" it's so well written and encompasses so much of how one feels during a quarterlife crisis: "pain on pain on play repeating. with a backup makeshift life in waiting. everybody says time heals everything, but what of the wretched hollow? the endless in between...are we just going to wait it out? / all i want, only one street-level miracle. i'll be an out and out born-again from none more cynical."
5. Dreams by Fleetwood Mac (from the Dance)
because everybody knows that "thunder only happens when it's rainin' and players only love you when they're playin'." sing it, stevie!
6. I Feel it All by Feist (from the Reminder)
this is upbeat and awesome and liberating. "i'll be the one to break my heart / i know more than i knew before, now i know i'm gonna win the war." i dare you not to swing your hair to this little ditty.
7. Sentimental Heart by She & Him (from Volume One)
the lyrics prettttty much speak for themselves, but if you haven't listened to the haunting voice of Zooey Deschanel, you don't know what you're missing.
8. Tymps (the Sick in the Head Song) by Fiona Apple (from Extraordinary Machine)
ahahahaha: "i'm either so sick in the head, i need to be bled dry to quit...or i just really used to love him, i sure hope that's it."
9. Get Him Back by Fiona Apple (from Extraordinary Machine)
this is kinda vengeful....but it's great fun to sing along to...
10. Thieving by Lovedrug (from Everything Starts Where it Ends)
no words, just sounds to describe this: it involves me closing my eyes and sighing loudly.
11. Champagne High by Sister Hazel (from Fortress)
"where will i be when i stop wondering why?"
12. Orange Sky by Alexi Murdoch (from Time Without Consequence)
this dude is awesome. become a fan.
I want to tattoo these lyrics on my person someday: "my salvation lies in your love."
13. Let it Be by the Beatles (from Let it Be)
needed to be here. it just did.
14. Free Fallin' cover by John Mayer (from Live in Los Angeles 2007)
i am a massive tom petty fan, totally dig him and those heartbreakers. but the first time i heard john's (yeah, we're on a first name basis) cover of free fallin' it was like i heard it for the first time, no lie. my eyes welled up with tears and i just kept repeating, "and the good girls go home with broken hearts. and the good girls go home with broken hearts. and the good girls go home with broken hearts..."
15. Slow Dancing in a Burning Room by John Mayer (from Continuum)
...
16. Cry On Demand by Ryan Adams (from Demolition)
i just close my eyes and think of you.
17. Mockingbirdsing by Ryan Adams (from Cold Roses)
this is one of my favorite ryguy songs. so lovely, "love her in the ways you want to be loved..."
18. Shadowlands by Ryan Adams (from Love is Hell)
this is one of those songs that gets physical, it lets me clear my mind completely. sit alone in your car or room, turn this up as loud as your eardrums will allow and just let the song happen to you. you really can't experience the instrumental last half of the song without being... affected.

love/miss/namaste.