dudes are (and should) be running away from me.

don't get me wrong, i know i'm not smelly or mean or totally skanked out... i am just too neurotic at this time in my life (trust me, i just looked up the definition. #2 is me for sure). let me give you an example:

we just moved into a new condo, it's really swanky and has been compared to melrose place on numerous occasions. there's a guy who lives near us who is undeniably attractive and friendly and has a black lab. he's said hi to me and kristy and her bf a few times and once, he even helped me carry in a large area rug. of course, after he offered, i nervously replied, "oh no, i got it. thanks!" and then awkwardly attempted to lug a 9x12 chunk of carpet in addition to the giant handbag and iphone i always seem to have glued to my right hand. being the adorably attentive neighbor that he is, he just came over and picked up the dragging rug and said, "really...you look like you're having some trouble..." fail, laura...why must you always refuse help from cute strangers? why why. anyhow, that was encounter #1. kristy and luke think i should hook it up...but i'm not so sure. he seems a bit preppy (as in, he wears nice polos tucked into slacks. so he definitely has a good job, knows about the stock market, and probably eats lunch at places i've never heard of). or that's the story i've made up in my head.

the other night, after a grueling workout class, i had to swing by the centennial (nearby liquor store) to pick up a bottle of wine for our boss' "wine of the month" christmas gift. as i was walking in, cute neighbor was walking out with a couple of cases of michelob ultra. i say a quick "hey", and he strikes up the conversation by asking me to remind him of my roommate's and her bf's names (he remembered MINE...does that mean something? is he going to ask me out for coffee...for as long as we both shall live...?). i remind him of their names, he says, "oh yeah, that's right. i saw him after he had just played a soccer game, they seem cool." uh..."yeah, haha they are haha" (what the frick kind of response is that laura? get on your game and stop making yourself look like a stupid teenager who has an inappropriate crush on her dreamy science teacher). but that was it. we turn and walk our separate ways.

when i get home from the centennial, guess who's conveniently taking their black lab out for an evening potty break? none other than CN. i think to myself, "self, he TOTALLY knew you were going to be a few minutes behind him at the store. is it possible that he came out to walk his dog because he knew he'd catch you on your way into the condo? that is a definite possibility. or his dog just had to pee...but i'm gonna go with the former!" so i open my door and begin unloading my bags (for some reason, i had 3 or 4 at the time). black lab comes over to sniff me...was that totally staged? perhaps...and i pet her, then continue loading tote after tote onto my shoulders. CN says, "so are y'all about settled in?" ...."ALMOST!" i semi-shout as i'm facing the inside of my car, reaching for the bottle of christmas gift wine. by the time i turn around, he's already started to walk up the stairs to his place. probably because he got the feeling i didn't want to chat, but in reality, i was merely scrambling to load up so fast so that i could catch him! curses.

i walk in the door and tell KH my sad tale of awkwardness and disappointment.

KH: me and luke think you should TOTALLY date him!
me: i don't know, he seems kind of sophisticated. i'm not sure i can handle that.
KH: come on, Laura, you won't know until you get to know him. invite him to our b-day party next week!
me: great idea! but wait. i think it might be a lost cause. when i saw him at the centennial he was carrying 2 cases of michelob ultra, which could only mean 2 things: he is either a super health nut who works out all the time (in which case relating to a corner-cutter such as myself would be like someone trying to tell me that Hanson isn't that awesome...and we all know that doesn't end well). OR, he has a girlfriend and they drink it together and work out all the time and have perfect lives already. see? i lose again.
KH: wow.

so, in the duration of 30 minutes, i have speculated that 1. this guy is super smart, sophisticated and therefore way out of my league. 2. already thinks i'm one of those people who doesn't want help and is an awkward teenie bopper giggler 3. he has a girlfriend already and she is probably perfect and why would he even give 2 craps about a neurotic girl with a equally neurotic chihuahua?

all i can say is, NO WONDER.

love/miss/namaste.