Wednesday, January 13, 2010

do you know who hates 6AM spin classes? God.

i have been getting so much better at working out it's ridiculous. it's like jillian michaels possessed my body or something. but not really, because i'm still the same lazy ass i've always been, i'm just adding frequent workouts to my weekly activities so i can slowly but surely get some actual muscle on my bones.

so anyway, i'm in love with yoga class. i go at least twice a week. i'm pretty sure it's my favorite because it tricks you into working out. you start out in complete stillness just breathing and then the next thing you know you're muscles are shakey and burnin' like the sidewalks in july. then on wednesdays, CC and i go to that 24 lift class where Legs (the instructor) blasts our bodies until we want to slap her face and then hug her at the end.

i have been avoiding the spin classes though, i'll admit. i hear they are quite difficult and require serious naturally i said, "nerp. not for me." but my roomie was all, "i'm going to the 6AM spin class tomorrow! let's both go! come onnnn." and i don't like to say no to people (except for STOP RIGHT THERE, 'the other sister' style), so i agreed.

thursday. january 7, 2010. i wake up at 5:45AM and am shivering in the car by 5:50AM (slept in my clothes for minimal morning effort). it's icy out, i know this, so i take caution to use the service road route instead of getting on the highway. i turn left onto central expwy and begin to accelerate for mere seconds before breaking to stop in front of 2 busted up cars that were blocking the entire road. except WTF??? i am not stopping?!?! JEEP, WHY ARE YOU FAILING MEEEeeeeee! crunch. calypso slams in between an SUV and some piece-of-crap white car. the space between the two vehicles was wide enough for me to pass through, but not without contact. it was the worst on my side, i lost the fender. no damage to the right side of my car. but guess who conveniently moves his piece-of-crap car SECONDS after i come skipping down the road of doom? white car dude. so now i've got a car to fix, dignity to find, and i don't even have a toned ass to show for it. i went home and sat on the couch and whined to my mom on the phone until i had to go to work and sulk some more.

tuesday. january 12, 2010. i wake up for a second attempt at spin class. KH and i walk out the door and begin the freezing-frick shuffle to the car. something falls. it's KH's iphone, we pause. i reach down to grab it and there it is: a completely shattered screen. the thing that makes this all the more tragic is that she treats that phone like it is the egg of an endangered animal. and she had only just received the cover she ordered for it after over a month of iphone nakedness. i kid you not: God is completely opposed to spin class.

so after KH's phone suffers major wounds, we hop in the car (thank you Jesus for her heated seats) and make it to spin class just as it begins! the last 2 bikes are on the front row (sarcastic hooray!) and on KH's left is this super buff chick who makes me want to cry. on the other side of me? a grunter. all i'm going to say about him is that it was rhythmic and made me wildly uncomfortable.

oh. but not as uncomfortable as the actual "bike" aka: instrument of crotch torture. 60 minutes we cycled. 60 minutes i cursed my bones. sitting on that seat and peddling was probably one of the most agonizing experiences i have ever put myself through. i even tried to put my little towel on the seat just to provide myself some shard of cushion but no. no. you go back and forth between standing and sitting, and that towel did exactly what i wished i could do: leap off that bike seat into the fetal position.

all that to say, i'm honestly proud of little dudsie for making it the whole time. i pushed myself as far as i could go and endured an hour-long class that was actually enjoyable (minus the grunter, the screeching instructor, and the horrible techno tunes). truth be told, i was planning on bailing after 30 minutes. i thought i couldn't take it anymore, what with my pubis bone being corroded...but then in the middle of the screecher's god-awful mix tape, Beyonce starts telling me to push through. so i did. i did it for her.

all in all, it was a pretty good day.



Shivonne said...

laura dudney how are you hilarious even in pain? i hope calypso is on the mend, as well as your nether regions. can't wait to see the new buff and muscly laura on my return. love you my dear. and remember...don't take no crap off of any spin class. unless beyonce tells you to.

mr. overly competitive said...

Entertaining. "Freezing-frick Shuffle" and "Crotch Torture" were the bomb-diggity.

Lissa said...

I took a spin class once. And only once. The next day my ass was KILLING me. Not the "What a great workout! I can barely walk!" type of sore, but the "I'm going to press charges ASAP because that damn seat majorly raped me!" way.
Never go again.